


old matte black notebook

by halerry



Series: old matte black notebook [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, idk whats this, im sorry, its 1:24 AM, like seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 05:06:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10712799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halerry/pseuds/halerry
Summary: Ian didn’t mean to find the notebook. He was just looking for dirty laundry to wash, some cleaning maybe but not a notebook that was hidden under the bed on Mickey’s side.





	old matte black notebook

**Author's Note:**

> as you all know im still fresh at writing fics in english so im sorry for all typos/grammar mistakes and everything. i didnt use a beta again. idk this fic tho, i just wanted to write something. BTW you guys can find me on twitter @ tenderwefall, anyways,,,,,,, i hope you enjoyed this fic and thank you again!!! -hale

 Ian didn’t mean to find the notebook. He was just looking for dirty laundry to wash, some cleaning maybe but not a notebook that was hidden under the bed on Mickey’s side. He didn’t care first when the notebook fell, he just casually throw it on bed and got all the socks around the bed. The notebook was matte black, looked worn out as well.

 After Ian put all the dirty laundy inside of washing machine and went back to fixing the bed. Ofcourse it was the time his curiosity haunted him.

 A notebook. Old matte black notebook. On Mickey’s side. That was weird. What was inside? Should Ian look at it? Was it private? Maybe there was some notes about bills they pay but then all their bills were paying automatically as they both were working on stable, legal jobs. “No more stupid illegal bullshit.” As Mickey said, and all their receipts were on their accounts where they could check on their phone.

 Ian wanted to touch it but still didn’t, because he was afraid if the shit was private.

 Was it a diary? Ofcourse it wasn’t, Mickey was too lazy to write any shit on paper yet Ian was thinking maybe the notebook was a diary. Mickey didn’t need any notebook to write how was his day when he had Ian to tell every detail about it, be a bitch about it and even sometimes gossip about his weird co-workers that gave Mickey headaches.

 Maybe that wasn’t Mickey’s? Maybe it was Mandy’s and she wanted to hide there? Or maybe it was a notebook that sometimes Yev would write on it and Mickey didn’t know where to put and he just put in under his bed?

 Ian decided to leave it there, forget about it. He put the notebook where it came from, if it wasn’t something private Mickey would have show Ian already.

 Ian went to kitchen to make some pasta just the way Mickey liked; something casual but with extra sause. He got all the things, was about to heat up the water but the notebook was in his mind.

“Fuck!” he cursed, his curiosity was really haunting him.

 He decided. He was gonna flip a coin to check it out. It sounded stupid to Ian but or else it was gonna drive him crazy. He found a $25 and took a breathe. If tail comes he was gonna check the notebook, if head comes he was gonna leave it and never gonna think about it. “ _Sounds fair.”_ He thought.

 He flipped the coin. It turned, turned and turned.

 Tail.

“Motherfucker!” Ian whispered. He was just gonna check in, that was all.

 He directly went to their room, got the notebook. Opened the first page.

_about him/for him._

“What is this?” Ian thought. He was sure “him” was himself, Mickey didn’t have anyone in his life beside Ian. Even though he had, but he didn’t, Ian knew he is the only person Mickey loves so…

 He flipped the page to see what really was inside of it.

_im covered in freckles_

_you’re covered in scars._

_i call yours beauty lines._

_you call mine stars._

_-we’re beautiful_

 that was all on the page. “Wow” Ian said out loud, it was like he wrote it for Mickey and himself. It got a date that said it was written in 2013. That was a rough year for both of them. Did Mickey really wrote a poem for them? Or found a poem that was like written about them? He turned to page to see what was next.

 the date said 2013 again.

_One half of me is yours, the other half is yours,_  
Mine own, I would say; but if mine, then yours,  
And so all yours.

_-[ **William Shakespeare**](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/947.William_Shakespeare), [ **The Merchant of Venice**](http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/2682703)_

 Shakespeare? Ian wasn’t a poetry reader person but he never thought Mickey would be one. It made Ian speechless, he was shocked and also impressed. It was interesting to find something about the guy he has known since he was 15. Ian always thought he knew Mickey by heart, he was sure he knew Mickey’s body from head to toe but finding a Mickey fact? That was new. Ian felt sad though, it was something strange to him, finding about this after all those years. They have been togethen on and off more than 10 years, was planning to get married and even have kids other than Yev. Did Mickey  not trust Ian to tell him about this? Or was it too private and Ian was doing something wrong?

 One more page, Ian thought. He was gonna look at a random page and never look at it again. And never think about it.

 He randomly opened a page. there was just a one sentence.

_but i crumble completely when you cry, it seems like once again you had to greet me with goodbye._

 The date said 2014. October. The day Ian broken up with Mickey. The day Ian gave up on himself, his future, his relationship. The day Ian knew he was worthless and there was no way he was dragging Mickey with him. The day Ian wanted to make Mickey free, fort he real time. The day shit went down.

 “Fuck.” Ian said out loud. He wasn’t gonna look at the notebook again, he didn’t wanted to see what was written after that day. He didn’t want to think about it. Never. He was happy, he was with Mickey. That was it.

 He put the notebook under the bed again but he was feeling lost.  He knew the time was hard, for both of them. But he never thought Mickey would be a guy that would write his feelings down on paes. At least write song lyrics or poets into a notebook that reminded him both of them and the time.

 He was ashamed, he shouldn’t have looked at the notebook in the first placa anyway. It supposed to stay where it belonged and Ian shouldn’t have known about it.  He wanted to apologize Mickey but that meant he has to tell Mickey he went through his shit, which was something Ian wasn’t planning on it.

 He went back to making dinner, he tried his best for Mickey. Ian knew his pasta wasn’t the best one, it was Fiona’s that bestest ones, Mickey still liked as long as Ian made it.

 After a while of making dinner and putting the food on plates Mickey was home. “I’m home!” he said, it was a habit of them since they started living together again. “I’m fucking exhausted man, that bitch of my boss was extra annoying today. Okay fucker, we get it, your wife doesn’t suck your dick but its not our fault for fucks sake.” Ian smiled at Mickey’s small ranting, he went to his boyfriend and gave him a small kiss. “Missed ya.” Ian said. Mickey smiled, “It’s been just 12 hours man.” Ian shrugged. “Still… the dinner is ready.”

“I have to take a shower first, I have to get this office smell out of my body. Will be back in 15” Mickey kissed Ian again then he went to their bedroom.

 Ian sat on sofa, waited for Mickey. He couldn’t stop thinking about the notebook, how Mickey wrote those lyrics, poems and thought about him and their relationship. Even when Ian was too numb to care Mickey was still thinking about Ian, writing about him. Oh god, Ian felt like he was the shittest boyfriend ever. He always thought what he done to deserve someone like Mickey, even after all the shit they’ve been through Mickey was always there for him and Ian was sure he will be there for Ian as well.

“I am starving, I can eat a horse.” Mickey said. They sat on table, Mickey got himself a beer and a Sprite for Ian. They started eating and none of them were talking which was strange because Ian always was the first one who told about his day even when he was at home doing regular stuff. But Ian couldn’t stop thinking about how shitty boyfriend he was back in day, hell maybe he still is ha? Who knows? Maybe thats why Mickey hide his little notebook?

“Mickey I-“ Ian started, when Mickey looked at him he stopped himself. “Nothing.”

“What?”said Mickey, with half of mouth full of pasta. “Tell me.”

“Its nothing.”

“Tell me.” Ofcourse Mickey would insist, thats how much Mickey cares about Ian and heverything about him.

“I just, i was just thinking today and everything you know. Between you and me. And i am sorry. I really am.”

“For what?”

“For being the worst boyfriend? Making you sad? Making our lives miserable and all that shit?” It was obvious Mickey was confused about everyhing, he got a tissue and cleaned his mouth, he was thinking. “What is this for?”

“I just told you.”

“No Ian, fuck, I mean where is this came from now? For what?” Ian shrugged again, he looked at his lap, wasn’t ready to face Mickey now. “I just thought about it, thats all.”

“No you dont just ‘think’ or anything. This must be come from somewhere, tell me man. Why are you suddenly sad about our past?”

 Ian was shocked again, Mickey used to be a guy who would keep his feelings to his grave and couldn’t care shit about anyone but now he was openly asking Ian about his feelings. This was an accomplishment and Ian was proud of Mickey.

“Ian?!”

“Fuck – okay. But please don’t be mad at me? Or fuck it, be mad at me.”

 “Thats my choice to make, spill it out Red.” Ian smiled at the old nickname. “I may be found your old notebook.” He mumbled. “Whats that mumbles?” was Mickey’s response.

“I said i may be looked at your notebook.” He said, a little bit out loud. “So you found the old little thing ha?” Mickey told Ian, he was very casual.

“Aren’t you gonna be a bitch about it? I mean I found something personal?”

“It was personal, not anymore though. I was planning to give you but forgot about it.” He said casually. Now Ian was confused. “Huh?”

“2 days ago I was looking for some shit and I randomly found the notebook, wanted to show you but didn’t have any time. I think i put on my nightstand to show you and ofcourse forgot about it.”

“I found the notebook under the bed.”

“Yev must put there or some shit, you know he likes to hide our stuff and play with us. Fucker thinks he is cute.” Mickey laughed. “It was something personal. After I realized how deep i was in this hole called ‘love’ you know when you took off the army and shit, I started to write about you and for you. But at the time I was a chicken shit and wanted to get away from my thoughts so I started writing things that remind me of you and us and stuff that I wanted to tell you. Whenever I felt sad or heard a song you’d like or reminded me you or us I’d write it down with a date. The things I want to tell you but too scared to do it and shit. It was like a kind of punishment to myself at the moment.”

 Ian was amazed. He couldn’t help but ask though. “Do you still write?”

“Don’t need to.”

“Why?”

“Why would I need to write the things I want to tell you when I really can tell you?”

 Ian kissed Mickey. He just kissed him. After all those years Mickey stil was able to amaze Ian. Yet Ian thought he couldn’t fall for Mickey more but he was so wrong. “Oh god.” Ian said. “I love you.”

“I love you too mumbles. The notebook is all yours.”

“But what about all the days I treated you like shit? All the days I fucked up us?” Mickey caressed Ian’s cheek, he was looking all soft. “Both you and me did shitty things. At the end it was still you and me. Us. Those memories aren’t something I’d like to remember but Ian at the end I still have you.”

“I’m still sorry tho.”

 Mickey kissed Ian again. And again. It was a way to tell Ian he forgave him, Mickey was always better at showing his feelings without words. “And I’m sorry either. We were fucked up.”

“Yes we were.” Ian said.

“But fuck it you know, its our fucked up.”

 Ian smiled. “Yes, its **_our_** fucked up.”


End file.
